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Seduction
Good sex is frequently determined within the first few
minutes even before the act. Yet, the topic of mood and atmosphere is
not often deemed worthy enough warrant a discussion. Thus, in the
stereotypic world, where men are supposed to initiate the process of
seduction, one must wonder, how do they learn? What should they do,
what happens when some men do not like the role of instigator, or
feel uncomfortable with a woman's initiation, or are just plain
confused. Getting the ball rolling is not always such an easy task.
This brings us to the next question, what exactly is meant by,
seduction, initiation, and getting the ball rolling? Seduction, often
conjures up bad connotations. Does seduction refer to a man telling a
woman everything he thinks she wants to hear for the sole purpose of
sex? This form of seduction could hurt. The word initiation might
refer to a person trying to make the first contact. Lastly, getting
the ball rolling may speak to the setting of boundaries.
Interestingly, all these terms box men in. Women want honesty, yet
complain when things are too direct, they want romance. They do value
having the stage set, the process of wanting him, in other words
seduction - which brings us back to square one. It almost seems like
a vicious cycle!
One way around this difficult situation is to think of this
beginning process more of as an invitation. Invitations are something
that most people are quite comfortable. Imagine how you ask others to
join you for a walk, a bike ride, the movies, breakfast, shopping, or
even just a conversation. An invitation sounds nice to most people.
Most people enjoy being asked to participate in something? An
invitation implies that the other person has the option to accept or
decline. This is something that is fun for both people. In this
situation, neither person has more control over the other person's
action. Imagine a scene, where you are being cajoled into accepting
an invitation to breakfast, shopping, the movies. Don't you enjoy
having your partner sweeten the deal by describing in great depth,
the most scrumptious waffle that this café serves, or how it
is really a favor that they are doing for you by extending the
invitation to this most luscious meal or even how it is so critical
to their well-being, that you attend, and to prove it, they will pay.
In these instances, there are often few dire consequences to either
person if the invitation is rejected. How many women have you ever
heard about being tide up and brought out to an elegant dinner, or
shot to death because they were not in the mood to go to the movies?
Yet, when it comes to sex, everything changes. Invitations turn to
power & control problems. Communication stops.
There are three important aspects to sexual initiation, or in this
case sexual invitations:
"Willingness to extend an offer of something exciting to come: the
actual invitation or seduction"
"Willingness to be rejected"
"Building of arousal"
The key aspect of extending an offer of something exciting to
come:
the actual invitation or seduction is to illicit desire,
excitement and arousal, yet there is no one correct way to invite.
Everyone reacts slightly differently. What turns one person on, may
turn the next person off. People are all different. In fact, what
works one day, with the same person may fail the next day. However,
even with all these unknowns, there is one helpful rule to keep in
mind. Invitations are most likely accepted, when both people feel
good about the relationship. In other words before trying to seduce
your partner to bed, try to establish a connection with him/her. This
might mean engaging in a meaningful conversation. You could do this
by exploring how the person's day was, asking them how their big
meeting went, appreciating the fact that they did your dishes, or
simply cuddling and saying how lucky you feel to have met her/him.
The most direct thing you could ever say is "would you like to make
love". This is simple and direct. The enticement would come from her
mind. If she is in a similar state of mind, the two of you are in
luck. Remember that at all times she is free to accept or to reject.
You are merely inviting her.
However, on your end, you have not done much to entice her, thus
the chances of her saying 'No' are greater. To increase her desire,
pay attention to your language and gesture. To increase her
excitement, try the following:
To increase
a woman's excitement (or man's) try the
following:
· Look on-line
at sex toys together, or wander throughout your house looking for
items that you could use as toys.
· Talk about what turns each of you on.
· Reminiscent with your partner about a sexual adventure that
the two of you had that turned you on
· Begin by massaging her hand. Bring her fingers to your
mouth. Kiss the back side, then the front. Let your tongue linger.
Continue massaging. Nibble on her fingertips, slowly taking her whole
finger into your mouth.
· Massage her head. Play with her hair. Run your hands
through her flowing hair. Slightly pull on it, as if you were putting
her hair into a ponytail, massage the back of her neck as if you were
making love to her.
· Rub her temples. Let your let your fingers wander over her
eyebrows, down her nose, follow the ridge of her lips, slowly bend
down and kiss her forehead, continue to massage her. Let her feel
your longing gaze.
· As her head lays in your lap, back flat on the ground, rub
your hands along the muscles directly around her clavicle bones.
Massage her sore muscles, touch her outer shoulders, let your hands
occasionally wander near her breasts - but avoid touching her nipples
at all cost. · Make her want you,
make her feel so excited that she can not but help herself to grab
your hands and place them directly on her. This is all about desire
and anticipation.
· There is also simple kissing. Kissing that starts off slow
and easy, which slowly builds up speed and intensity. Very few people
actually complain of too much kissing. Too much mood building. Too
much anticipation. Half of good sex is attitude. Remember back in the
days when you had never had sex, and were kissing your first love for
the first time.
Kissing was super exciting. It may have felt like the gateway to
everything else. Kissing was new, and for many lasted for hours on
end. The kiss signified the beginning of an adult sexual
relationship. This may not have been everyone's experience, but I
think it is safe to say that for most people, the first kiss ever
felt memorable and exciting. Please note, while very few people ever
feel like they have overdosed on kissing, there is a time and place
for fast hard passionate sex - that just does not include much
kissing.
Again, having just done all this 'work' to entice her, she still
may say 'No'. The idea of the other person being free to accept or
reject brings us to the second important aspect of sexual initiation.
The willingness to be rejected and not take it personally. Sometimes,
people are just not in the mood. Maybe they are stressed out from
work, enjoying their TV program, looking forward to sleep, hungry or
just finished masturbating and are feeling sore. Sometimes a No
simply just means No, and has no reflection on the person doing the
asking.
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